A Journey Cannot Exist Without Fear

Throughout our lives, there is one, consistent feeling that will always be present - and that is fear. In every journey we embark on we are always scared.

We fear rejection and to reject.

We feel the fear of telling a teammate You Need To Do Better or admitting that you need to be better.

The fear of failure.

The fear of being different.

The fear of the uncertainties ahead.

Yes, we are all well aware that "Fear" is always there but there is something else that I have learned.

I learned that the absence of fear is not bravery. The absence of fear means you are not taking risks. All that you are doing is stand still and let everything pass you by.

Thus, fear is necessary in life and that a journey cannot exist without fear.

So, embrace fear. Take it by its hands and walk along. Then overcome it and move on.

By the end of a chapter, as you prepare to embark on a new one, you will realise that you are a much better person then before.

When I finally realised all these (and this was very very recent), I felt liberated.

Because now I know that on the other side of my "fear"is a better me and I am on a journey to a better self.

Perhaps

I used to blog as an outlet for my emotions. A year down the road since I stopped writing, I still have people sending me messages, thanking me for inspiring them through my writing. It always feels good to know that people are still reading and it helps them one way or another.

Perhaps it's time to start writing again, but this time to share my ups and downs and what I have learned.

Maybe I should. Let me think about it. Till then, keep smiling :)

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival

Sometimes a light gets extinguished along the way, but know that there are many other lights to show you the way.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival everyone :)

Love,
JessieLoi

New Blogger App

Test test.

This is the app I've been waiting for. I've always wanted to blog on the go.

Now I can share photos and random thoughts on the go x)

The app is pretty simple. They have a tab for you to post a new blogpost, a tab to view and edit posts and another to view your blog - mobile version.

I don't know how it'll look like posting photos though this app, so I am gonna test it here, by posting photos of the blogger app.

I think it'll be great if we can check stats and approve comments on the app too. Did not see any where on the app that can do that.

Opportunities

It kinda hurts when you know you are missing out on so many opportunities. I guess sometimes, not every opportunity is yours to keep.

When it happens, when opportunities fail to remain in your grip, move on. Be on your feet again no matter how much it pains you to let it go.

When it happens, it only means that this opportunity is not yours to keep. The opportunity for you will come to you soon. Then, make sure to hold on to it tight.

It Won't Rain Forever

After I wrote my previous post - Back To Square One, Nicholas, my friend of 4 years wrote a post dedicated to me.

He even bluntly named the post - "Jessica Loi" LoL.

In his post he wrote, "Her heart’s confusion and fear reminds me that is a process we must go through."

Which is very true. Once in awhile, our blue skies turn grey, and then it rains.

#1.

When it does rain, we curse, we wonder why, we get upset. We forget that, while rain might dampen our spirits, it is essential. Why? As Nicholas has written, "Because it is life. Just like a rainbow."

“Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.”

#2.

Besides, it can't rain forever, right?

:)


Thank you, Nicholas.

                                  

Back to Square One

For some time, just awhile back, I lost my smile.

For a duration of time that felt like forever, I forgot everything I've learned. I forgot all the little lessons I picked up. Those were the little lessons that made me who I am today.

Being typical me, I never show people my insecurities and the storm brewing in my head and heart.

#1.

I really don't know what got over me. Like the bacteria that took over my body last week, I never saw this mental/emotional hurdle coming.

How did it feel?

I felt like withdrawing myself from this world. I felt like I threw a ton of bricks on my own shoulders. I felt lost.

I really cannot explain why that happened at that point of time, I just felt that way. It was somewhat mysterious to me.

I put so much burden on myself that I felt overwhelmed. Think about the extreme opposite of ignorance. Think about being too empathetic and worrying unnecessarily.

It was like I was back to who I was many years ago. Back to square one.

I reminded myself every single morning that I was not the little naive girl I once was. I got this all under control.

I refused to turn back to history. What has passed has passed. That's it. Full stop.

So, I did the only thing I could do at that time, I waited. I let it pass. I let time tell me the answer.

#2.

I was at a roadblock. Every single day was like a routine for me. I did things without thinking. I couldn't think. Every time I did, something stops me. I guess it was the fear of looking back.

#3. I wanted to turn right, but I couldn't.

I was reminded by a single event, how important it was to be able to look back at my own life without fear. So I did. I looked back.

I was reminded of the little lessons I've learned. The little things I say to myself, the self-reminders I post on my Facebook wall. It's a really long list, I'll share it at the end of the post.

#4. We always say look forward and we forget the importance of looking back.

I was reminded of the awesome feeling of being myself. I was reminded of why I chose to be who I am today.

I was reminded that no matter what happens, nobody or nothing can take away those little lessons I have learned.

And then, I woke up one day, with my head all clear. No more brewing storm. Just the sun shining through.

#5.

That morning, I looked into the mirror, and smiled my first genuine smile in what felt like forever.

#5. =)

=)

-----

A list of things I used to share on my Facebook wall. I keep a copy of all of them just to remind myself of what I've learned.

It's a long list but I hope one or two of them relates to you in some way :)

• It's the small things you do and the little efforts you take that makes all the difference
• Today, your smile might have changed someone's life.
• Even if you do not get the ending you want, it doesn't mean you wasted your time. 
• The 2 of the most precious things a person can give you is their Time and their Heart.
• If you are losing your way, you just need to remember why you started walking down this path in the first place.
• When life tries to be funny, laugh along with it.
• When there are so much negativity around you, it affects you in such a bad way. Fight hard to stay positive. Cause heck, you should know how important it is to do so.
• Hope. We go on living because Hope exists.
• Believe. Visualize. Take Action.
• I don't need someone who thinks I am perfect. All I need is someone who accepts my flaws.
• A happy ending should not be your ultimate goal. It should be to create your happy story.
• "Always stay true to yourself" - so overly used yet people still tend to forget.
• Stop trying to perfect imperfections. Learn how to accept them.
• When learning feels like a chore then you are probably not doing it right.
• When we share what we have, what we have multiplies.
• Sexiness is the way you bring yourself. It sure is not the way you dress.
• Even if the ending you got is not the ending you wanted, it doesn't mean it is a bad ending. It's just an ending. Don't sulk about it so much. Use that time to embrace the new beginning that comes right after.
• What I learned today - Don't think too much. Think twice is enough. Once with your head then with your heart.
• It might hurt, but pain is temporary.
• Never assume and judge. It is probably two of the worst things you can do to a friend.
• Self-pity is one of the worst ways to treat yourself.
• Everybody deserves to smile.
• A memory is something remembered in our minds. The ones that matter, we keep in our hearts.
• Notice how we always notice the wrongs others do, but never our own.
• Because we hope and believe, we are alive.
• Don't compare yourself to others. You have no idea what they're going through.
• Always trust first until there is a reason for you to doubt their honesty.
• I don't think anyone was born a leader. Those who are leaders today chose to be one.
• When you feel like you are not good enough, there is always someone who believes you are better than you think.
• When was the last time you told someone "I think you're amazing"?

All photos were taken/edited with my iPhone 3Gs.

                        

People's Reaction To The Job I Love

This is my first and only post in July. So, I am going to use this space to tell you what I am working as.

Before that, I'd like to share with you the general, common reactions when I tell people what I am doing right now.

Reaction 1:

Friend: So, what are you doing now?
Me: Working for [insert employer].
Friend: Owwwwwwh.......... [shifty eyes]

Conclusion: Probably has nooooo idea what I meant by what I told him/her.

Reaction 2:

Friend: Working right? What're you doing?
Me: Working for [insert employer].
Friend: What's that?
Me: [Insert explanation]
Friend: Riiiiight. So, what do you do?
Me: [Insert position and job scope]
Friend: Okaaaaaaaaay. So have you heard the lates song by [insert some bimbo artist]......

Reaction 3:

Friend: So, you're working? Where?
Me: Oh, in PJ. My office is next to Jaya One.
Friend: Owh? What do you do?
I answer.
Friend: How much do you get paid.
Me: -Insert a low enough amount-

Then, magic happens...

Reaction 3.1:

Friend: ...[awkward silence]... well, that's normal, right?
[No, my dear friend, that is not 'normal' for a graduate]

Reaction 3.2:

Friend: That's, like, reeeeeeeeeeeealy low.
[Yes, my dear friend, I get you. It's low. I get you]

Reaction 3.3:

Friend: O.O WHAT?!!! Why would you want to take that job?!!!

So you see, those are the 3 general responses I get when I tell people what I am doing. If I had told someone I work in, let's say, oh I don't know, Berjaya Holdings, maybe. Now that would have caused a different set of reactions.

Well, I've told you guys where I am working, the question is, who do I work for?

Currently, I am working, full-time, for AIESEC, a youth-run organisation and I will be attached to this organisation for a year.

My pay is nothing to shout about but it is low enough to be called low.

And to answer the WHAT?!! WHY?!! reactions, it's cause this is the one job I feel comfortable in yet it'll totally throw me out of my comfort zone, force me to learn and be involved in the development of youth and because money, as important as it is, is not everything.

The best part about this job is that I love it. I wake up every morning, including Mondays, without ever dreading work. I travel a total of 3 hours to and from work by bus, yet, without a complain, I still do it. I do all this because I know it's worth it and seeing the results of what I do makes me happy.

So, to the people who complains about going to work when you're getting paid well, I suggest you quit if you are really that unhappy and find something that you like to do. No, unhappiness because your job cannot even pay for an iPad is not an excuse to quit. It just means you are unable to save.

To the disbelievers out there, do stop bothering me.

To the people who don't understand, don't worry, I find it hard to explain sometimes too :)

To the people who always understood and believed in what I do, thank you :D

I wonder, if I told you guys more about my job, what would your reactions be?